just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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