I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
