Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
