i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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