Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
