i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
