if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
