The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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