and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize