I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
either way he was missing a nipple.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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