Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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