What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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