the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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