i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
