I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize