You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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