I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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