Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
