That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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