Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize