I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
