if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
