y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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