ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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