6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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