Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ketchup is God's man juice
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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