the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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