im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize