Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
