i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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