i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
