Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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