cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
