a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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