Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
