When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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