i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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