Kiss
Puke
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
