What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
