perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
