I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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