it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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