He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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