I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish I only lived at night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
