I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
