This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
