I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
