Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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