he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
