Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We don't watch enough power rangers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
