And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
