I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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