my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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