He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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