I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
