What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
