Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
