At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
