I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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