hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
