im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
