i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
