its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
