we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
