vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
