she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
