Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
