I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
