these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
