we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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