Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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