this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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