I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize