sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
