Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
