I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
