I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
