I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
