btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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