he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
