i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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