She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
