I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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