Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize