Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
