White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
