I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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