Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
